The Impact Of Domestic Violence

Published Date: 02 Nov 2017

Introduction

Prevalence of children being involved

This literature review will critically review the impact Domestic Violence has on the parent-child relationships referring to the father as the abuser or the perpetrator of domestic violence and the mother as the victim of domestic violence. This decision was informed by the initial literature search and the lack of research around father’s being the victim and mother’s being the perpetrators. Initially, this essay will define domestic violence looking at the different terms that are used and the criticisms surrounding the words domestic and violence as well as the value of this term. This essay will also look at the government definition of domestic violence and will highlight criticisms of this, finding that in March 2013 the government renewed their definition which included an update to some of the criticisms which had been mentioned. Secondly, this essay will critically review the impact domestic violence has on the mother-child relationship, identifying three key themes from the literature; the undermining of mother’s authority, the mother’s parenting and the children’s reactions towards the violence. This essay will also look at the attachments children form with their mother where domestic violence is present and how their relationship is affected in the aftermath of violence. Penultimately, this essay will critically review the impact domestic violence has on the father-child relationship, again identifying three key themes; the fathers parenting style, the feelings children have about their fathers and the impact this has upon the attachment with their father and role modelling their father’s behaviour using the social learning theory to explain this. This essay will also review the impact on the father-child relationship in the aftermath of violence, post separation. Finally, this essay will conclude summarising the key points formed throughout the essay.

Defining Domestic Violence

There are several terms to describe domestic violence including family violence, domestic abuse, intimate partner violence and battering. This essay will use the term domestic violence as it is the most commonly used (Hester, 2007; Mullender, 1997). Even though this is the case, there are many weaknesses with the term. The word ‘domestic’ may limit the term to those who are living together, whereas the violence from male perpetrators usually continues after women leave their partner (Hester, 2007). Mullender (1997) also suggests that domestic violence can happen in relationships where the couple are not living together. McGee (2000) and Hanmer and Itzin (2000) on the other hand suggest that the term domestic does have value because it highlights the ‘domestic’ nature of this abuse rather than it being from a stranger. Humphreys (2000) suggests that the advantage with the term domestic is that is covers a wide range of relationships, heterosexual and homosexual however, the gendered nature of domestic violence is concealed by the term. The word ‘violence’ may solely indicate physical abuse, whereas those experiencing domestic violence are subject to many forms of abuse some of which are not essentially violent (Hester et al, 2007 and Humphreys, 2000). Mullender (1997) suggests that the term abuse is more significant than violence because it conveys both the physical and sexual attacks and the emotional and mental abuse that often happens in domestic violence.

Domestic violence is both a criminal and a social problem in the UK (Calder, 2004; Roberts, 2002 and Jaffe et al, 1990). Definitions of domestic violence in the UK however, have been largely debated (Harne, 2011). Even though many organisations have their own definition of domestic violence the most current and common definition is that of the UK government

"Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse psychological, physical, sexual, financial and emotional" (Home Office, 2013).

The previous definition of domestic violence did not include those aged 16 – 17, instead stating "between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality" (Home Office, 2006). Harne (2011) wrote that one of the problems with this definition is that it only applies to adults however, the first study around young people’s experiences of domestic violence found that of those aged 13 – 17, one in three girls experienced sexual violence and one in four girls experienced physical violence. Even though Harne wrote this about the previous government definition, it still suggests that the new definition has a weakness and should include those even younger - from the age of 13. The previous definition of domestic violence also did not mention controlling or coercive behaviour, instead only saying "any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse" (Home Office, 2006). This was something that Hester et al (2007) suggested was a weakness in the definition. Hester said that the definition does not mention the coercive control elements that are important characteristics in domestic violence. Finally, research has suggested that domestic violence is most commonly perpetrated by men and experienced by women (women’s aid, 2007; Walby and Allen, 2004; McGee, 2000 and Hanmer and Itzin, 2000). Harne (2011) suggests that the government definition of domestic violence is gender-neutral. McGee (2000) states that gender-neutral definitions of domestic violence hide the ‘central’ issue of who the perpetrator is and who the abuse is aimed at. Hanmer and Itzin (2000) also make this observation suggesting that gender-neutral definitions mask the fact that men are the common perpetrators and women are the common victims of domestic violence. Looking at the research and the new government definition it does suggest that the government have taken into account some of the weaknesses in the previous definition which have been highlighted by researches however, the new definition still does not include those age 13-15 or mention the gendered nature of domestic violence.

The impact on mother-child relationships

Domestic violence can have a significant impact on the mother-child relationship. From the research there are several main themes as to how this relationship is affected; undermining of mother’s authority, the mother’s parenting, children’s reactions towards the violence and the attachments children form with their mother.

The undermining of the mothers authority has been mentioned by Wilson, 2006; Guille, 2004; Lappiere, 2009; Mullender et al, 2004; Humphreys et al, 2011; Radford et al, 2006; Harne, 2011 and Bancroft et al, 2012. The abuser does this by using controlling and dominating tactics (Humphreys et al, 2011) and humiliating her in front of their children (Guille, 2004; Harne, 2011). This can have consequences on her ability to look after the children (Bancroft et al, 2012), for example children having a lack of respect for their mother (Harne, 2011). Holden et al (1998) says that respect is needed to be able to manage parenting responsibilities. Bancroft et al (2012) suggests that the abuser does not have to be openly undermining to affect the mother-child relationship, instead children will see and hear what the abuser does and will view this as the mother being unable to protect herself (Borrego et al, 2008), belittling her in their eyes (Mullender et al, 2000). Younger children may understand their mother to be ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’ because they get ‘punished’ (Mullender et al, 2000).

Parenting has also been widely mentioned in response to how the mother-child relationship is affected. Lapierre (2010) suggests that when looking at quantitative research it was repeatedly found that domestic violence has a negative impact on parenting. Further Borrego et al (2008) found that women suffering abuse often show ‘inconsistent, unemotional and ineffective parenting’ or parenting that is perceived as ‘reactive and punitive’. Some researchers say that the prime concern of a mother is to protect their children from witnessing violence or being abused, however professionals do not see their actions as protective (Hester et al, 2007). Letting a child roam the streets in freezing temperatures late at night so that they do not have to witness the violence is an example (Calder, 2004), or giving a baby a sleeping pill so he stays quiet protecting him from physical abuse (Milner, 1996). Sometimes, abused women physically abuse their children knowing that if they do not, the abuser will impose further pain (Borrego et al 2008, Guille, 2004, Hester et al, 2006; Calder, 2006). It is difficult for the child to accept this; all they recognise is that they are being hurt by their mothers (Mullender et al, 2002). Mullender et al (2004) says how abused mothers parent their child is not based on what they believe to be good or bad, instead it is around finding ways to limit abuse to themselves and their children, also described as ‘externally controlled mothering.’ Bancroft et al (2012) found that in one study 34% of women changed their parenting when the father was around compared to 5% of non-abused women, some becoming more lenient and some becoming more harsh, usually down to fear or in order to protect. Lapierre (2010) suggests that women who do not leave their violent partners are seen as ‘failing to protect’ their children and consequently can have their children removed from them. Borrego et al (2008) suggests that stress and emotions can be related to mothers feeling less emotionally available for their children and they can misjudge the impact domestic violence has on them. As a result of the violence they experience, many women suffer mental health problems especially post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) (Calder, 2004) and depression (Borrego et al, 2008). Humphreys et al (2006) suggest that depression takes away their energy and self-esteem, while the emotions associated with trauma may stop them from being emotionally available to their children. Borrego et al (2008) has also found links with depression and negative parenting. Mullender et al (2004) says that women’s anxiety, constant worry as well as the violence can cause exhaustion and little energy for their children; suggesting another way as to how parenting is affected. Children can suffer from emotional and behavioural problems; this can be very demanding for any women to look after their children effectively. For women who are not coping with their own abuse however, there can be a conflict between their own emotional endurance and the needs of their children (Humphreys et al, 2006). On the other hand Radford and Hester (2006) found that many mothers are able to protect their children, have good relationships with them and show positive parenting regardless of the on-going violence, this is sometimes because it gives them something else to focus on (Calder, 2006).

Thirdly the way a child responds to the violence can impact on the mother-child relationship. Jaffe et al (1990) suggests that this can differ depending on age, gender, developmental stage, how often violence happens and its severity. Children often use what they see and hear towards their mother for example children may shout at her, calling her abusive names because they think she deserves it (Humphreys et al, 2006). Holden and Ritchie (1991) also found that many adolescent children physically assault their mother modelling what they have seen their father do, believing that it is acceptable. Levendosky and Graham-Bermann (2000) back up the previous arguments suggesting that children tend to treat their mothers like the abusive parent does. The power and control wheel (Pence, 1987) suggests that fathers often involve children in abuse towards the mother. Bancroft et al (2012) give a different perspective on why children abuse their mothers suggesting that it is because of their anger towards the abuser; they often do not feel comfortable expressing their anger directly to him. Mullender et al (2004) however, found that children often want to protect their mothers and will attempt to stop violence from happing such as shouting to disrupt an act of violence, finding help and actually placing themselves in-between their parents. Even though this shows signs of affection towards the mother it also suggests role reversal thus undermining the mother’s role as a ‘protector’ especially where the safety of the child is at risk (Borrego et al, 2008).

Attachment theorists say that the mother is the primary carer in a child’s life (Fonagy, 1999). Secure attachments based on affection and security are required for a child to develop normally such as succeeding at school, peer relationships, self-esteem and identity formation (Fonagy, 1999). Children also seek closeness to their primary carer as a survival strategy so that when they are in fear they can go to their carer for protection and reassurance (Radford and Hester, 2006). Bowlby (1973) suggests that the primary function is to provide young children with security even in environments where there is fear. In the case of domestic violence mothers are often unable to meet the needs of and protect their children; this is perceived by the children as rejection or abandonment and impairs their views of their positive internal working models of self and others (Godbout et al, 2009). The attachment between the mother and child is also said to be undermined by the abuser (Radford and Hester, 2006). As a result of this children form disorganised (Fonagy, 1999 and Borrego et al, 2008) and insecure attachments to their mother (Borrego et al, 2008 and Godbout et al, 2009).

So far this chapter has looked at how the mother-child relationship is affected during abuse; many researchers telling of negative impacts while few talk about positive impacts. To further understand how the mother-child relationship is affected it is important to look at what happens between the mother and child in the aftermath of violence.

Many researchers report a ‘conspiracy of silence’ happening between the child and mother in the aftermath of violence (Mullender et al, 2002; Humphreys et al, 2006; Humphreys et al, 2011; Calder, 2004; Radford et al 2006). The conspiracy of silence happens because of a previous situation ‘dominated by secrecy, silence and fear’ (Mullender et al, 2002, pg. 175), thus hindering the relationship being repaired (Humphreys et al, 2006). The ‘conspiracy of silence’ can happen for a number of reasons, these being the mother not wanting to talk about the past because they want to protect their children from knowing the full extent of the situation (Humphreys, 2006), worrying that is will harm their children (Calder, 2004) and not realising that her children know a lot more than she thinks (Jaffe et al, 1990). On the other hand, children do not want to talk to their mothers about it because they have learnt not to mention these things (Humphreys et al, 2011) and often feel their mothers have a lot to cope with already and do not want to stress them further (Humphreys et al, 2006). NCH Action for Children found that only 17 per cent of mothers in their study were able to talk to their children. (Humphreys et al, 2006). McGee (2000) and Mullender et al (2002) also found that less than one third of children in their study felt able to speak to their mothers. Radford and Hester (2006) on the other hand found that not all mother–child relationships were seen as damaged in the aftermath of violence. Mullender et al, 2002 found that mothers were very important in terms of help and support in order for their children to cope with the domestic violence and mothers often found their children were supportive in helping them overcome the violence too.

The impact on father-child relationships

Compared with evidence around the mother-child relationships there is a lack of evidence on how the father-child relationships are affected. Eldeson (1999) suggests that this is because mothers and their children are more available to participate in studies especially where women’s refuge are concerned. This observation is also made by Luthar et al (1997), Guille (2004) and Lapierre (2010). Despite the lack of evidence this chapter will talk about how the relationship between the father and child is affected. The research around fathering through domestic violence has focused on a few key themes which suggest how the father-child relationship is affected; the fathers parenting style, the feelings children have about their fathers and finally role modelling their father’s behaviour.

The parenting styles of the abusive father include authoritarian, less consistent, more controlling, self-centred and manipulative and they undermine the mother’s parenting (Bancroft et al, 2012; Wilson, 2006; Holden and Ritchie, 1991; Harne, 2011 and Lapierre, 2010). Bancroft et al (2012) suggests that authoritarian and controlling fathers are unable to make changes to their parenting styles which may need to be made in order to meet the needs of the child; fathers are also unable to accept criticism and feedback about their parenting. The rigidity in this parenting style can cause developmental problem for children who need to be able to struggle with parents as a part of their identity formation (Bancroft et al, 2012). Holden and Ritchie (1991) found that abusive fathers were angrier at their children, smacked their children twice as much and a lot harder than non-abusive fathers would. Lappiere (2010) found that less consistent fathers tended to be under involved with their children, often neglecting them. Unlike non-abusive fathers, these fathers were less physically affectionate towards their children (Holden and Ritchie, 1991). Father’s also found their children annoying and did not spend much time with them, they also did not know much about them; only taking an interest in their children when it suited them (). Bancroft el al (2012) suggested that the selfishness of the father can cause role reversal, the father expects the children to meet his needs rather than the other way round. Finally, the parenting of the abusive father also increases the risk of child abuse (Borrego et al, 2008; Hester et al, 2007; Harne, 2011, McGee, 1997 and Radford and Hester, 2006). Although this statement is well documented the statistics linking child abuse and domestic violence are not clear. Borrego et al (2008) states that between 30-70% of domestic violence cases result in physical abuse and other forms of child maltreatment and Bancroft et al (2012) states that violent fathers are several times more likely than non-violent fathers to abuse their children. The power and control wheel (Pence, 1987) also suggests that fathers threaten and use violence towards their children. However, Peled (2000) suggests that all abusive fathers are psychologically abusive towards their children because they are responsible for the child’s exposure to domestic violence. Abuse towards children may not be recognised by other people observing the father and child; when the fathers parenting is observed he can perform well, thus hiding his abusive temperament from being revealed (Wilson, 2006 and Bancroft et al, 2012). In comparison to all the negative associations, Peled (2000) noted that children’s perceptions of the parenting of their fathers does not just bring negative associations but also positive ones, however this is not documented or evidenced by many researchers or authors.

Many researchers speaking of the father–child relationship talk of the feelings children have towards their father. Peled (2000) suggests that children’s feelings towards their abusive fathers are marked with ambivalence. On the one hand children express affection towards their father (Wilson, 2006; Lapierre, 2010 and Peled, 2000) and see their father as entertainment and a relief from the tensions in the relationship with their mother (Bancroft et al, 2012). However, on the other hand children feel resentment, disappointment, bitterness, confusion and pain over his behaviour (Wilson, 2006; Bancroft et al, 2012; Lapierre, 2010 and Peled, 2000) and were usually frightened of him (Radford and Hester, 2006). Although children feel affection towards their father, this is usually forced through fear (Radford and Hester, 2006) and combined with unhealthy attachments and traumatic bonding (Bancroft et al, 2012; Peled, 2000 and Radford and Hester, 2006). Thomas (2005) says that some attachment theorists argue that violence negatively affects the attachment between the child and parent. Attachment which is based on fear creates insecurity and a traumatic bond. The traumatic bond formed with the abusive father will have a negative effect on the father-child relationship (Radford and Hester, 2006).

As well as the parenting and the feelings towards the father, children also view their father as a role model and are able to identify with him, which in turn negatively impacts on the children (Wilson, 2006). Bancroft et al (2012) suggests that parents are natural role models to their children. Boys exposed to domestic violence have higher rates of bullying and aggressiveness and both boys and girls learn to meet their needs by manipulating, pressuring and coercing others (Wilson, 2006). Bancroft et al 2012) says that witnessing domestic violence gives children messages which they model such as, victims are responsible, violence is justified to resolve conflict and impose their will, boys should be in control of women, abusers do not have any consequences for their actions and women are weak. Not only does this affect the father-child relationship it also affects relationships throughout the child’s life as they continue to model the behaviour into adulthood as explained by Bandura’s (1977) social learning theory (McGee, 1997). When applied to the family, the social learning theory states that people model behaviour they have been exposed to as children (). During childhood, children observe how their parents behave in intimate relationships; from this they learn what is appropriate for these relationships (). The ‘cycle of violence’ suggests that boys will model their behaviour on the abusive male and will grow up to be abusive in relationships and girls will absorb their mother’s inactiveness and may enter abusive relationships (McCue 2008 and McGee 1997). A difficulty with this theory in explaining role modelling through domestic violence is that there is no evidence to suggest that women seek abusive men and only 30% of men who witness or experience violence carry this behaviour on in adulthood, this theory does not account for the other 70% (McCue 2008).

This chapter so far has looked at how the father-child relationship is affected during domestic violence; most researchers talking of negative impacts while barely any mention anything positive. To further understand how the father-child relationship is affected it is beneficial to look at what happens between the father and child in the aftermath of violence, post separation.

Contact with fathers is almost always seen as being in a child’s best interest and often abused mothers want their child to see their father. Children were also found to want to continue seeing their father as they are still emotionally attached to him (Radford and Hester, 2006). Harne (2011) however, found that a third of children who had contact with their fathers did not enjoy seeing them and did not feel safe while other children were ambivalent. The domestic violence however, often continues through these child contact arrangements (Hester et al, 2007). Bancroft et al (2012) found that the level of domestic violence often increases; those that are separated experience four times more violence than those living together this can be because fathers constantly quiz their children for more information about their mother. Fathers abuse the contact arrangement making their children frightened and living in fear (Humphreys et al, 2006); the risk of abuse and harassment is also increased (Radford and Hester, 2006). Harne (2011) found that children who continued to see their fathers after separation often displayed increased behavioural problems and a deeper level of anxiety. As a result of this, separating from the father in most cases had an even bigger negative impact on the father-child relationship ().

Conclusion

Reference Page

Bancroft, L., Silverman, J., Ritchie. (2012) The Batterer as Parent – Adressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics, 2nd edition, London: Sage

Borrego, J., Gutow, M., Reicher, S., Barker, C. (2008) ‘Parent-Child Intervention Therapy with Domestic Violence Populations’, Journal of Family Violence, 23, pp. 495-505

Calder, M., Harold, G., Howarth, E. (2004) Children Living with Domestic Violence, Dorset: Russell House Publishing

Cleaver, H., Nicholson, D., Tarr, S., Cleaver, D. (2007) Child Protection, Domestic Violence and Parental Substance Misuse – Family Experiences and Effective Practice, London, Jessica Kingsley Publications

Guille, L., (2004) ‘Men Who Batter and Their Children: An Integrated Review’ Aggression and Violent behaviour, 9, pp. 129-163

Hamner, J., Itzin, C., (2000) Home Truths About Domestic Violence, Feminist Influences on Policy and Practice – A Reader, London: Routledge

Harne, L., (2011) ‘Violent Fathering and the Risks to Children: The Need for Change. Bristol, UK: Policy Press

Hester, M., Pearson, C., Harwin, N., (2007) Making an Impact - Children and Domestic Violence: A Reader. 2nd ed. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers

Holden, G., Ritchie, K., (1991) ‘Linking extreme marital discord, child rearing and child behaviour problems : evidence from battered women’ Child Development, 62 (2), pp. 311-327

Holden, G., Appel, A., (1998) Co-occurring spouse and child abuse: Implications for CPS practice. APSAC Advisor, 11(1), pp. 11-14.

Humphreys, C., (2000) Social Work, Domestic Violence and Child Protection, Challenging Practice, Bristol: The Policy Press

Humphreys, C., Mullender, A., Thiara, R., Skamballis, A. (2006) ‘Talking To Mum – Developing Communication Between Mothers and Children in the Aftermath of Domestic Violence’, Journal of Social Work, 6(1), pp. 53-63

Humphreys, C., Thiara, R., Skamballis, A. (2011) ‘Rediness to Change: Mother-Child Relationship and Domestic Violence Intervention’, British Journal of Social Work, 41, pp. 166-184

Jaffe, P., Wolfe, D., Wilson, S., (1990) Children Of Battered Women, London : Sage

Lapierre, S. (2010) ‘More Responsibilites, Less Control: Understanding the Challenges and Difficulties Involved in Mothering in the Context of Domestic Violence’, British Journal of Social work, 40, pp. 1434-1451

Levendosky, A., Graham-Bermann, S., (2000) Parenting in battered women: A trauma theory approach, Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment, and Trauma, 3(1), pp. 25-36

Luthar, S. S., Burack, J. A., Cicchetti, D and Weisz, J. R., (1997) Developmental Psychopathology, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press

McGee, C. (2000) Childhood Experiences of Domestic Violence, London: Jessica Kingsley Publications

Milner, J., (1996) Men’s resistance to Social Workers. Cited in: Fawcett, B., Fetherstone, B., Hearn, J., Toft, C., (eds) Violence and Gender Relations: Therioes and Interventions, London: Sage

Mullender,A., (1996) Rethinking Domestic Violence, London: Routledge

Mullender, A., Hague, G., Imam, U.F., Kelly, L., Malos, E., Regan, L. (2004) Children’s Perspectives on Domestic Violence, London: Sage

Mullender, A., Hague, G., Imam, U.F., Kelly, L., Malos, E., Regan,L. (2002) Children's Perspectives on Domestic Violence, London: Sage.

Radford, L., Hester, M. (2006) Mothering Through Domestic Violence, London: Jessica Kingsley Publications

Roberts, A., (2002) Handbook of Domestic Violence Intervention Strategies, Policy, Programs and Legal Remedies. Oxford: Oxford University Press

Wilson, K, J. (2006) When Violence Begins at Home, 2nd ed, Berkeley: Hunter House